On New Relationships

I’ve recently connected with some wonderful people. Going through this process anew, I’m reminded of the challenges and excitements that come with growing new relationships.

New relationship energy (NRE) hits me hard every time. By NRE, I mean that I find myself thinking about this new person often throughout the day, that emotions are felt more acutely and intensely. What would normally be a discussion about cupcake flavors turns into a rave about cupcake flavors. What might normally be a subtle commentary on past events turns into an intense sharing of life experiences. Holding hands or hugging, with Cloverlimes might feel sweet and warm, but becomes magical in the presence of NRE.

Balancing NRE is a tricky thing for me. It has lead me to poor decisions in the past. I’ve learned over the past two years how to process NRE more safely. I’ve found a few things that really help. First, I take time to process. I revisit all my fundamental beliefs and check that I’m not violating them by following through with decisions that might have been spurred on by NRE. Also, I talk about feelings. A lot.

Expressing the kinds of feelings I’m developing has helped me a lot. For one, I feel more comfortable with people I can discuss feelings comfortably with. This helps keep my worries in check, helps me understand where boundaries lie, and helps me understand where a relationship stands with regards to others I’m engaging with. It’s important for me to build trust, that I can do this.

With NRE safely in check (for the most part), there are some things that are very fun about it. That extra energy does leak into everything else that I do. Spending time with Cloverlimes, I feel and act just a little bit more giddy. I blush more. I process more. I smile more. I feel more energized about sharing the things that I love in general. I’m also reminded of things that are precious to me in my current relationship, that I sometimes take for granted. Holding hands, hugging, sleeping together, great emotional support, cooking together, eating together. I feel an immense gratitude towards Cloverlimes, and I’m all kinds of excited for experiencing all of these things with new loves.

So yes, there’s a lot going on at the moment. It’s exciting! I’ve been writing many letters, talking a lot, sharing phone calls, and thinking. Just thinking. Possibilities, hopes, cautions.

I’m reminded of how important communication and love are to me. I stop and wonder: Why aren’t such things talked about and taught with more priority?