On Polyamory and Relationships

Thanks to my partner, I discovered Kimchi Cuddles today. I basically devoured the comic in two sittings. It has so much sage advice about having relationships, that I’m here left processing all of it now. It’s not just about what it means to be poly, though there’s a lot of that in there. It’s also about what happens between real people trying to have relationships - and that is amazing. It’s cute, adorable, touching, and healthy.

It was a long time ago that I discovered that polyamory was a thing. I think… about seven years ago, towards the end of a relationship. I was thoroughly confused at the time, because I was experiencing jealousy and compersion, all kinds of new-relationship energy (NRE), and I had none of the tools to cope! Communication was definitely not one of my strong points then!

Still, despite the hard times, that was a life-changing moment for me. To realize that it’s okay to love people, to love everyone, and that it can be talked about, was as mind-blowing as my recent explorations into mathematics and type theory. Even recently, I’m still processing all of this, and finding out just how fundamentally it shifted my view of the world. For example, not believing that there can be only one person to love has also made it easier for me to accept myself. I don’t need to fit any mold to be loved or to love myself, and this has enabled me to sincerely pursue who I am.

I’m sort-of-kind-of “out”. It’s not very often I talk about my beliefs on relationships and my experiences. I’m still recovering from pigeon-holing myself into a few narrow areas for most of my life. This has the side-effect that I feel uncomfortable speaking about a few things. I’m challenging that more and more, though. It’s exciting and scary.

There’s one more thing I’d like to share before I close this post. I can relate strongly to the idea of spreading awareness of poly- and alternative-relationship models. It’s part of why I’m writing this. I was lost and confused for a good part of growing up, with little guidance as to how to even have a basic healthy relationship. Role models for healthy relationships were mostly missing in my life. My hope is that by writing, by speaking, by sharing, I can help someone else not be as lost as I was.